I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

like magnets

and the fake qualifier

I've found the girl, or she's found me, and we're smoking a cigarette while we watch the silhouettes of the French Raj and his fireworks bearer down on the bank.

We stand there laughing. The fireworks go off behind him.

...

We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

Dreams like these are highly symbolic and emotionally intense. Here’s a breakdown of common interpretations:

...

barren land

i really havent

i want to do that too

We look out over the river to a block of luxury flats built on the site of some old docks. It would be nice to live right there. Yes.

1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

have you read

i have read not even 1 book

ahnaf abrar

magnetises a pin

was it worth it

i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

yeah people dont get it they assume its ahnaf