We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?

nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class

It Will Get Lighter

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

hiding from the rain

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

December 2025

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

but really the thing should be autonomous

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

confused - is it the tide or its absense? I still like where I was going with it. anyway, real reader know this site is the note.

i sat down to eat my peasant dinner but i thought it was a song you sent so i didn’t watch it then

currently

magnetisation basically means the induction of divine form unto you

I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?

Lift Analysis

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

i hadn't considered this pedagogically or as a kind of personal knowledge management system (puke) at all but i suppose it is both of those things

so an active mazelike process

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

idk