no longer writing in the third person
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59
I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
I am below everything.
"Put a blanket."
Today I felt like starting
Better Lift
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?
"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.
mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation
to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos
magnetisation basically means the induction of divine form unto you
have you read
there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.
its good
hiding from the rain
The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.
After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?
so an active mazelike process