I catch him on his way to the bar, telling him about this old racist failed actor that I'm avoiding. That I'm failing to confront. I get the sense he's avoiding people too. We get our drinks and find a corner. We chat for a bit. He's managing just fine.

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

Better Lift

It's

dusk

i love to walk around and see things and take photos and go online and look at websites and click on links and take screenshots i love to surf and i love to browse

but really the thing should be autonomous

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models

1

Today I felt like starting

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.

we can only engage in such a way

Style

yes

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

as in

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59

Picture