it is hopeful
Better Lift
no longer writing in the third person
Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49
sorry i am texting like a slav
Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?
...
i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate
Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50
have you read
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
whats your name?
I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.
She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.
its performative