Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

, something washing, cleansing, revealing, etc.

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

Rain, starting

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

i got bored though because i knew all of the different arrangements of it. i probably needed to stick at it longer to get it dense enough to feel navigable in a way that was engaging to me

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day. I created this site.

13, H, grate

so an active mazelike process

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

Today I felt like starting

Better Lift

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

yes

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 22:11:24

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models