i am quite confused, not quite getting the idea of it

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

Worse Lift

it is hopeful

"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

Picture

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

It Will Get Lighter

"Put a blanket."

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

hiding from the rain

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

It Will Get Lighter

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

no longer writing in the third person

Imprint, memory, impact, representation, impression

so at the end

division of reality is straying away from it

all that is to say

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

sorry i am texting like a slav

its performative