We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river. I've found the girl, or she's found me, and we're smoking a cigarette while we watch the dim silhouettes of the French Raj and his fireworks bearer down on the bank. They're fucking around with the box. I ask her what people do with fireworks for so long before they're ready to light. She doesn't know.

Today I felt like starting

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

Imprint, memory, impact, representation, impression

It Will Get Lighter

        13       |
                |
                |
            H   |
                |
                |
. . . .         |
. . . .         |
. . . .         |
. . . .         |
                |

It Will Get Lighter

much more tactility

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

Lift Analysis

I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?

it holds me to something (you, now). I love editing!

not so on: yvf(wthw)

Thank you, Jack

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.