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1

I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

Rain, starting

"Put a blanket."

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

, something washing, cleansing, revealing, etc.

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

no longer writing in the third person

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

Better Lift

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?


the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

currently

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41

have you read

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

hiding from the rain

fw

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now