something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever
I am below everything.
no longer writing in the third person
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.
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Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41
Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?
hiding from the rain
Lift Analysis
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"
Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17
Better Lift
The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.
like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them
autonomy of learning
okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models
so the method has to be autonomous
you cannot feed someone truth
think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now
its performative
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
lol yea
in a way what we are really interested in with pedagogy is the magnetisation