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something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

currently

i believe search always should be immersive, because whatever is pre planned and non consuming (what you are looking for is total engulfment by the spectre of the real), a joyous intensity, a flow of virtue

It Will Get Lighter

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

Windrush Art Kid Oligarch

so i or you can author smaller fragments that get arranged

much more tactility

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

its performative

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

Rain, starting

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

a version of this existed for a few months last year but it was static. it was HTML with writing and pictures and videos and sounds. i had this feeling that the code should be as important as the content, that structurally each piece in relation to each other piece shouldn't change, that the mazelike quality should emerge from me intricately arranging paths through it. like classic hypertext

division of reality is straying away from it

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08

so at the end

not their contents

Pimlico Rats