no longer writing in the third person
there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.
After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"
division of reality is straying away from it
hiding from the rain
mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation
This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.
Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?
Today I felt like starting
i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything
Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.
i hope ai fixes this with the cessation of interfaces and walls
so the method has to be autonomous
think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
you cannot feed someone truth
like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03
I'm getting bored and he can tell, so he shifts the topic towards me. He tells me he'd spotted me chatting to a girl earlier, a black girl, and asks what I thought of her, if I liked her. I mimed affirmatively.
its good short few pages
idk