i love to walk around and see things and take photos and go online and look at websites and click on links and take screenshots i love to surf and i love to browse

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

i understand

we need to be deconstructing our identities

yeah people dont get it they assume its ahnaf

barren land

abrar?

i dont understand magnetisation

I Write Goodbye Letter

god "possessing" artists "possessing" people

its good short few pages

13, H, grate

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

I'm sat out the front of a cafe in Hatton Garden. I've just eaten a brie and bacon panini, and I'm rolling a cigarette. Feeling very London. An old man comes up to me and asks for a roll-up. I oblige.

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

no like which do people call me

The old failed actor genuinely believed this girl was of a lesser race. He believed she shouldn't be talking with me, shouldn't be here at this party, shouldn't be here in this country. He wanted a white England. I didn't really challenge him on it. Sometimes I justify it with thoughts like I was drunk, or baffled, or it isn't an argument I'll win, or he can't hear me anyway, or whatever. I didn't argue with him. I just cut off his rant and left with a pathetic "In a bit."

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

ahnaf abrar

Pimlico Rats

Windrush Art Kid Oligarch

what do you mean

its good

It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

whats your name?

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

A roll of 50s is one of the items he dumps onto my table during the search. Of course it is. He asks if I'm a delivery boy or a setter or this or that diamond related job. I keep saying no, I'm enjoying hearing all of these new words. Eventually I tell him that I work in film, which is kind of true. He asks where I'm filming. I'm not filming. He tells me that I can't be that good at it then. He then tells me that he made a film once, in the 80s. It was called Pimlico Rats.

i want to do that too

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

yeah

After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

.