i love to walk around and see things and take photos and go online and look at websites and click on links and take screenshots i love to surf and i love to browse

"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41

After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

Maybe, Jack, I'm doing this because I'm English?

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

It Will Get Lighter

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

We look out over the river to a block of luxury flats built on the site of some old docks. It would be nice to live right there. Yes.

it is hopeful

i sat down to eat my peasant dinner but i thought it was a song you sent so i didn’t watch it then

I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?

We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

"Put a blanket."

We stand there laughing. The fireworks go off behind him.

nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.