bro i read nothing in my life

it is hopeful

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out. 

        13       |
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            H   |
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. . . .         |
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I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50

all that is to say

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

in a post. I want to be remembered

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

13, H, grate

so at the end

i want to do that too

...

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

was it worth it

i really havent

nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class

bro i read nothing in my life

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.