I catch him on his way to the bar, telling him about this old racist failed actor that I'm avoiding. That I'm failing to confront. I get the sense he's avoiding people too. We get our drinks and find a corner. We chat for a bit. He's managing just fine.

autonomy of learning

a version of this existed for a few months last year but it was static. it was HTML with writing and pictures and videos and sounds. i had this feeling that the code should be as important as the content, that structurally each piece in relation to each other piece shouldn't change, that the mazelike quality should emerge from me intricately arranging paths through it. like classic hypertext

This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08

no longer writing in the third person

It Will Get Lighter

Worse Lift

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

you cannot feed someone truth

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

Windrush Art Kid Oligarch

yes

hiding from the rain

It's

dusk

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

division of reality is straying away from it

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

Style

but really the thing should be autonomous

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

a lot of what i've been doing has been some imaginary screenshot or recording of his website, something that could be found within it

brb i will read and reply sincerely

wow, you are the first stranger to write a textwall to me

Rain, starting

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.