She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?
currently
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46
there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.
no longer writing in the third person
"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."
it is hopeful
we can only engage in such a way
"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59
think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now
a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.
I created this site
.mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation
propensity within someone
I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.
lol yea
abrar?