i sat down to eat my peasant dinner but i thought it was a song you sent so i didn’t watch it then
"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."
a version of this existed for a few months last year but it was static. it was HTML with writing and pictures and videos and sounds. i had this feeling that the code should be as important as the content, that structurally each piece in relation to each other piece shouldn't change, that the mazelike quality should emerge from me intricately arranging paths through it. like classic hypertext
like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them
mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation
This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.
Today I felt like starting
all that is to say
division of reality is straying away from it
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08
propensity within someone
After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.
no longer writing in the third person
much more tactility
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03
It's loud and he's gone deaf in one ear, so I don't think he's really hearing anything I'm trying to say. We're both pretty drunk too. It's making for a kind of surreal interactive Business Insider YouTube video of a conversation. He talks, waits for my response, sees my mouth moving but doesn't hear my words, then he imagines something in their place, and replies to that. At least I don't really have to do anything but drink and mime and listen to a lot of bullshit fake gangster talk, being an actor, boxing, the old days, blah blah blah.
to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos
its good
have you read
we need to be deconstructing our identities
i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything
idk
isaac newton
i really havent