They're fucking around with the box. I ask her what people do with fireworks for so long before they're ready to light. She doesn't know.

I've found the girl, or she's found me, and we're smoking a cigarette while we watch the silhouettes of the French Raj and his fireworks bearer down on the bank.

We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

The slug lives in my bathroom. I only see it in the early hours of the morning, when I'm not quite right.

We look out over the river to a block of luxury flats built on the site of some old docks. It would be nice to live right there. Yes.

i sat down to eat my peasant dinner but i thought it was a song you sent so i didn’t watch it then

Slug

It Will Get Lighter

Maybe, Jack, I'm doing this because I'm English?

the site i am dreaming

nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class

Thank you for telling me that I'm failing to see how I'm reproducing the dynamics I'm trying to critique by only describing my Korean colleague / fresh meat and the black girl in relation to others and myself.

Overall meaning: The dream seems to explore vulnerability, unspoken emotion, and the tension between connection and isolation. It suggests you may be processing intense feelings of longing or missed opportunities, and your subconscious is guiding you to acknowledge, release, or transform them.

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

its performative

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

something religious, a kind of complex,

it will get lighter

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ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

magnetisation/form

was it worth it