There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.


Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08

IWGD

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

what do you mean

abrar?

so an active mazelike process

It Will Get Lighter

stalgivc is the greatest poster of all time

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

no longer writing in the third person

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models

its good

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

division of reality is straying away from it

propensity within someone

as in

have you read

ion

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

you cannot feed someone truth

i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything

magnetisation/form