there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

I catch him on his way to the bar, telling him about this old racist failed actor that I'm avoiding. That I'm failing to confront. I get the sense he's avoiding people too. We get our drinks and find a corner. We chat for a bit. He's managing just fine.

My inability to confront the old racist failed actor is distracting me. I decide not to tell her about it.

i am quite illiterate on producing technology

A procession forms behind the French Raj and his fireworks bearer as they head out the door. I've lost my Korean colleague / fresh meat in the chaos. I'm sure he'll be able to fend for himself. They have mandatory military service in Korea.

1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

no longer writing in the third person

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

as in

i believe search always should be immersive, because whatever is pre planned and non consuming (what you are looking for is total engulfment by the spectre of the real), a joyous intensity, a flow of virtue

you cannot feed someone truth

but i respect your search

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59

And thank you for telling me that the manner in which the narrator consistently fails to act morally is really compelling. Fuck you.

something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever

i sat down to eat my peasant dinner but i thought it was a song you sent so i didn’t watch it then

December 2025

ahnaf abrar

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class