Thank you, Jack

nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.

a lot of what i've been doing has been some imaginary screenshot or recording of his website, something that could be found within it

autonomy of learning

all that is to say

Can I see

division of reality is straying away from it

so at the end

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

we can only engage in such a way

much more tactility

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

wow, you are the first stranger to write a textwall to me

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

After I get away from the old racist failed actor, I go to see my Korean colleague. He's just arrived in London and I want to see how he's handling the party. We'd been invited as fresh meat for some of the older, gayer attendees. We aren't aware of that.

The Hatton geezer (fuck off) reminds me of this old failed actor who I'd met at a party a few years ago, another man out of time and out of place. This actor had scored a minor role in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and never really let go of it, had gone on to build his whole identity around it. I can't really blame him.
"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

Actual born-Londoners aren't LARPing like this, they sold their shite family home for a million pounds and moved to Malaga years ago. They have their culture and they've taken it elsewhere.

Maybe, Jack, I'm doing this because I'm English?

The only real Londoner remaining is old, bitter, kept around for entertainment, defined by tropes from 30+ years ago. They play gangsters in films, or they work in a pie and mash shop, or they go on Business Insider's YouTube channel to tell you about their crimes. And they somehow still find the time to spend all day hanging about cafes and pubs for you to bump into, to remind you of Real London.

A roll of 50s is one of the items he dumps onto my table during the search. Of course it is. He asks if I'm a delivery boy or a setter or this or that diamond related job. I keep saying no, I'm enjoying hearing all of these new words. Eventually I tell him that I work in film, which is kind of true. He asks where I'm filming. I'm not filming. He tells me that I can't be that good at it then. He then tells me that he made a film once, in the 80s. It was called Pimlico Rats.