was it worth it

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models

as in

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

magnetisation/form

a lot of what i've been doing has been some imaginary screenshot or recording of his website, something that could be found within it

i love to walk around and see things and take photos and go online and look at websites and click on links and take screenshots i love to surf and i love to browse

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

but i respect your search

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41

brb i will read and reply sincerely

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

propensity within someone

It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 22:11:24

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.


After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

Style

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.