After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
Today I felt like starting
Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?
hiding from the rain
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46
Better Lift
no longer writing in the third person
I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.
i see a website though something that reconfigures or is mazelike
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
really i want the internet
there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.
but really the thing should be autonomous
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
we need to be deconstructing our identities
amazing hopefully this was all legible and frankly i might be going very off board but you seemed interesting
think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?