feel you

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

Thank you, Jack

Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.

i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything

so at the end

the textwall is as much for me as it is for you

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

"Put a blanket."

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

brb i will read and reply sincerely

but i respect your search

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

really i want the internet

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

Better Lift