the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
a version of this existed for a few months last year but it was static. it was HTML with writing and pictures and videos and sounds. i had this feeling that the code should be as important as the content, that structurally each piece in relation to each other piece shouldn't change, that the mazelike quality should emerge from me intricately arranging paths through it. like classic hypertext
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 21:22:59
that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.
I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08
Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41
something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever
This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.
is this you as well
was it worth it
ahnaf is it worth reading all those books
Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13
plato
bro i read nothing in my life
yeah people dont get it they assume its ahnaf
i got bored though because i knew all of the different arrangements of it. i probably needed to stick at it longer to get it dense enough to feel navigable in a way that was engaging to me
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
nope. i only remember the leaves bristling behind the window during chemistry class
I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.
we need to be deconstructing our identities