that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.

Rain, starting

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

currently

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

1

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?

It Will Get Lighter

or never left

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models

lol yea

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

so at the end

much more tactility

i have read not even 1 book

it is hopeful

we can only engage in such a way

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

as in