a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

.

This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

Style

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

that looks like my instagram account

no i haven't really read anything

have you read

its good

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13

13, H, grate

idk

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

autonomy of learning

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

its good

whats your name?

Imprint, memory, impact, representation, impression

so the method has to be autonomous

hiding from the rain

ion

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

i dont understand magnetisation

send your tumblr

plato