I've found the girl, or she's found me, and we're smoking a cigarette while we watch the silhouettes of the French Raj and his fireworks bearer down on the bank.

Thank you for telling me that I'm failing to see how I'm reproducing the dynamics I'm trying to critique by only describing my Korean colleague / fresh meat and the black girl in relation to others and myself.

We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 23:38:15

They're fucking around with the box. I ask her what people do with fireworks for so long before they're ready to light. She doesn't know.

Maybe, Jack, I'm doing this because I'm English?

and so on. not wanting the rhyming / clanging

We stand there laughing. The fireworks go off behind him.

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.


Slug

i really havent

i sat down to eat my peasant dinner but i thought it was a song you sent so i didn’t watch it then

wait what is that

the site i am dreaming

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

I am below everything.

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13

2 (actually index). two is company