you have a beautiful account btw
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?
bro i read nothing in my life
no longer writing in the third person
"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."
Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03
hiding from the rain
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
it is hopeful
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46
She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.
Like the tide, it comes in and it washes over the beach. It's beautiful. But like the tide it goes out, sometimes it goes out further than it ever has, it recedes back across the beach and further out beyond the horizon. The bare seabed opens up in front of you and all you can do is look at it.
I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.
I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.
Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.