I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
One of the birds shoots out of the tree.
Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.
something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever
with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.
Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03
I am below everything.
Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13
"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
"Put a blanket."
Better Lift
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08
The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.
"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."
Today I felt like starting
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03
After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46
no longer writing in the third person