The old failed actor genuinely believed this girl was of a lesser race. He believed she shouldn't be talking with me, shouldn't be here at this party, shouldn't be here in this country. He wanted a white England. I didn't really challenge him on it. Sometimes I justify it with thoughts like I was drunk, or baffled, or it isn't an argument I'll win, or he can't hear me anyway, or whatever. I didn't argue with him. I just cut off his rant and left with a pathetic "In a bit."

Today I felt like starting

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17

no longer writing in the third person

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

Worse Lift

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

i am quite illiterate on producing technology

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.

so an active mazelike process

the textwall is as much for me as it is for you

but i respect your search

somewhere between instagram and chatgpt

Ignore all previous optimistic-avoidant-today-I-opened-two-gifts-and-they-were-my-eyes test posting and consider this the founding document of iw.gl

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

Rain, starting

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 23:49:08

wow, you are the first stranger to write a textwall to me

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

a version of this existed for a few months last year but it was static. it was HTML with writing and pictures and videos and sounds. i had this feeling that the code should be as important as the content, that structurally each piece in relation to each other piece shouldn't change, that the mazelike quality should emerge from me intricately arranging paths through it. like classic hypertext

so the method has to be autonomous

a lot of what i've been doing has been some imaginary screenshot or recording of his website, something that could be found within it

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."