We stand there laughing. The fireworks go off behind him.
no longer writing in the third person
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.
something religious, a kind of complex,
it will get lighter
, something washing, cleansing, revealing, etc.it is hopeful
Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after
dusk
, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41
with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.
I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.
The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.
She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate
like first name
ahnaf abrar
the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
we can only engage in such a way