As we're stood there I notice a middle-aged woman staring at us across the room. I'm trying to catch her gaze, but its kind of vacant. I guess she sees me looking and considers it to be an invitation. She floats over to us in this strange dazed way, and on the approach I realise she's staring at (through?) my Korean colleague / fresh meat. She's saying wow, wow, wow. She seems genuinely so delighted, so shocked, so elated.
but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos
there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.
Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03
One of the birds shoots out of the tree.
I wonder if the birds knew I was watching?
"Put a blanket."
Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?
Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50
"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."
There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
in a post. I want to be remembered
a lot of what i've been doing has been some imaginary screenshot or recording of his website, something that could be found within it
mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
brb i will read and reply sincerely
something for the future. something to look at when this is more. I've been thinking about... whatever
i am quite confused, not quite getting the idea of it
Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17