the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 22:11:24

its performative

i see a website

amazing hopefully this was all legible and frankly i might be going very off board but you seemed interesting

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

Their voices are saying they haven't and shouldn't fuck but want to so bad, or have fucked and can't again but want to so bad, or something like that. Would this be easier if they were birds? Incel kind of question... I'm not following the conversation, but I'm still listening. He's talking in this slightly begging way. It's a way of talking that asks for pity, like he's already tried appealing to every other one of her sensibilities. Incel kind of observation... Maybe he just talks like that, in some upspeak derivative. Haha unless?

i hadn't considered this pedagogically or as a kind of personal knowledge management system (puke) at all but i suppose it is both of those things

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

so an active mazelike process

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

division of reality is straying away from it

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.