ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

autonomy of learning

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

my watchlater reached its limit years ago and now i have to create a playlist for each new topic im interested in but it is incredibly hard to create the taxonomy of knowledge because everything seems to be everything else because at the end it is what you get from it that matters not what is given

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50

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Rain, starting

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

all that is to say

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

we can only engage in such a way

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

I am below everything.

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

a heavy, heavy rain. a clear day.

I created this site

.

"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life