was it worth it


1

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

I am below everything.

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

Picture

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos
        13       |
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            H   |
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It's

dusk

in a snowy forest and I'm playing with a fox.
It bites my wrist but there is only a dull ache.
I feel that it wants to say sorry but can't. I die.

theres a kind of a cowardice to generative art that i want to avoid though. i want the kind of relationship to this thing that a game designer has to a game engine

They're fucking around with the box. I ask her what people do with fireworks for so long before they're ready to light. She doesn't know.

brb i will read and reply sincerely

currently

somewhere between instagram and chatgpt

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books