It Will Get Lighter
it holds me to something (you, now). I love editing!
I catch him on his way to the bar, telling him about this old racist failed
actor that I'm avoiding. That I'm failing to confront. I get the sense he's
avoiding people too. We get our drinks and find a corner. We chat for a bit.
He's managing just fine.
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Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling
trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations,
relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of
others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
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Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could
symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect
unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
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Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the
subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing.
Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk
points to transition or uncertainty.
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The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and
guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable,
suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons
that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left
unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
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Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death;
it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control.
It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.
As I'm trying to tell my Korean colleague / fresh meat that this is abnormal, that most people in
England aren't like this, the host of the party emerges from the bathroom to a roar of
laughter and applause. He's a fat middle aged Frenchman and he's changed into traditional Indian dress and a
turban. He looks fucking ridiculous. I try to back away,
to avoid the inevitable photo of me in this moment that will one day appear to ruin my life, but everyone is crowding around, trapping me in the middle of it.
2 (actually index). two is company
A procession forms behind the French Raj and his fireworks bearer as they head
out the door. I've lost my Korean colleague / fresh meat in the chaos. I'm
sure he'll be able to fend for himself. They have mandatory military service
in Korea.
My inability to confront the old racist failed actor is distracting me. I
decide not to tell her about it.
ahnaf is it worth reading all those books
i was tempted to lie about my name
in a way what we are really interested in with pedagogy is the magnetisation
you have a beautiful account btw
the only things i have read are just excerpts and 1 dialogue by plato fully
and mcluhan's medium is the massage but it cannot be considered a book
i got bored though because i knew all of the different arrangements of it. i
probably needed to stick at it longer to get it dense enough to feel navigable
in a way that was engaging to me
but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my
silmarillion, my tempelos
Thank you for telling me that I'm failing to see how I'm reproducing the
dynamics I'm trying to critique by only describing my Korean colleague / fresh
meat and the black girl in relation to others and myself.
