i want to do that too

we need to be deconstructing our identities

feel you

Overall meaning: The dream seems to explore vulnerability, unspoken emotion, and the tension between connection and isolation. It suggests you may be processing intense feelings of longing or missed opportunities, and your subconscious is guiding you to acknowledge, release, or transform them.

The old failed actor genuinely believed this girl was of a lesser race. He believed she shouldn't be talking with me, shouldn't be here at this party, shouldn't be here in this country. He wanted a white England. I didn't really challenge him on it. Sometimes I justify it with thoughts like I was drunk, or baffled, or it isn't an argument I'll win, or he can't hear me anyway, or whatever. I didn't argue with him. I just cut off his rant and left with a pathetic "In a bit."

He was cast as the guy who gets picked up and thrown out of the poker game to set the scene before the main characters arrive. Out of Real London and into real London, a discarded prop, at this party, chatting to me.

i did until you asked which kind of gave it away

I'm sat out the front of a cafe in Hatton Garden. I've just eaten a brie and bacon panini, and I'm rolling a cigarette. Feeling very London. An old man comes up to me and asks for a roll-up. I oblige.

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

yeah

i was tempted to lie about my name

what do you think my name is

i see a website though something that reconfigures or is mazelike

It Will Get Lighter


confused - is it the tide or its absense? I still like where I was going with it. anyway, real reader know this site is the note.

lol yea

and the fake qualifier

It Will Get Lighter

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:27:13

its good

like first name

yeah people dont get it they assume its ahnaf

Windrush Art Kid Oligarch

The only real Londoner remaining is old, bitter, kept around for entertainment, defined by tropes from 30+ years ago. They play gangsters in films, or they work in a pie and mash shop, or they go on Business Insider's YouTube channel to tell you about their crimes. And they somehow still find the time to spend all day hanging about cafes and pubs for you to bump into, to remind you of Real London.

Above and in front two birds are darting in and out of a tree. Sometimes they collide to fight or maybe mate, but I can't really make it out in the low light. It's just after

dusk

, I have nothing to do, I'm watching them, trying to figure it out.

"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."
and so on. not wanting the rhyming / clanging

and the fake qualifier

"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."

⚠️ Live Document Forever ⚠️

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate