Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

December 2025

not so on: yvf(wthw)

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."

you have a beautiful account btw

i really havent

Slug

"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

all that is to say

i was tempted to lie about my name

no like which do people call me

its performative

we need to be deconstructing our identities

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything

okay this is interesting because pedagogies we have rn are not proper models

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

13, H, grate

autonomy of learning

way too random but already engaging. i want to explore it

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