no like which do people call me

was it worth it

it holds me to something (you, now). I love editing!

Lift Analysis

⚠️ Live Document Forever ⚠️

He was cast as the guy who gets picked up and thrown out of the poker game to set the scene before the main characters arrive. Out of Real London and into real London, a discarded prop, at this party, chatting to me.

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

hiding from the rain

I imagine that some lab-grown 29-year-old from Woking with a mind honed to identify individuals who fit the profile of Real Londoner (as conceived of by 50 opinion-polled racist builders and their wives in the Midlands) picks a stubborn local who can still somehow afford to live here and passes him along to some creative studio.

Dreams like these are highly symbolic and emotionally intense. Here’s a breakdown of common interpretations:

Worse Lift

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41

It Will Get Lighter

The Hatton geezer (fuck off) reminds me of this old failed actor who I'd met at a party a few years ago, another man out of time and out of place. This actor had scored a minor role in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and never really let go of it, had gone on to build his whole identity around it. I can't really blame him.

13, H, grate

we need to be deconstructing our identities

i was tempted to lie about my name

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life

He was a proper old-fashioned London geezer (cringe word, hate it, can't think of a better one, worst of all it's the correct word), kind of East Endy, kind of Real London, the kind you don't really meet but if you do it always feels like an uncanny immersive theatre experience. They're anachronistic. They only belong in the London collectively imagined by people who don't spend any time in it.

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

i believe search always should be immersive, because whatever is pre planned and non consuming (what you are looking for is total engulfment by the spectre of the real), a joyous intensity, a flow of virtue

i want to do that too

i did until you asked which kind of gave it away

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.