"Anyway, you're you. I mean, look at you!" she says. "You could get with anyone, anyone in the street. Really."
autonomy of learning
i struggle with building a personal technical architecture for storing media, both curation and creation. instead i bookmark everything
no longer writing in the third person
all that is to say
The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.
The old failed actor genuinely believed this girl was of a lesser race. He believed she shouldn't be talking with me, shouldn't be here at this party, shouldn't be here in this country. He wanted a white England. I didn't really challenge him on it. Sometimes I justify it with thoughts like I was drunk, or baffled, or it isn't an argument I'll win, or he can't hear me anyway, or whatever. I didn't argue with him. I just cut off his rant and left with a pathetic "In a bit."
After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting
As we're stood there I notice a middle-aged woman staring at us across the room. I'm trying to catch her gaze, but its kind of vacant. I guess she sees me looking and considers it to be an invitation. She floats over to us in this strange dazed way, and on the approach I realise she's staring at (through?) my Korean colleague / fresh meat. She's saying wow, wow, wow. She seems genuinely so delighted, so shocked, so elated.
The Hatton geezer (fuck off) is emptying his pockets, searching for the silver rizlas he apparently has. He refuses to take one of mine (also silver) because the tobacco I'm giving him is already too much to ask. He tells me about the guy who can do 50g of Golden Virginia for a good price, the guy who every other man over 50 knows. I'm not interested.
Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17
Maybe, Jack, I'm doing this because I'm English?
And thank you for telling me that the manner in which the narrator consistently fails to act morally is really compelling. Fuck you.