much more tactility

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

A roll of 50s is one of the items he dumps onto my table during the search. Of course it is. He asks if I'm a delivery boy or a setter or this or that diamond related job. I keep saying no, I'm enjoying hearing all of these new words. Eventually I tell him that I work in film, which is kind of true. He asks where I'm filming. I'm not filming. He tells me that I can't be that good at it then. He then tells me that he made a film once, in the 80s. It was called Pimlico Rats.

Thank you, Jack, for telling me I'm just as bad as the characters (actually they're people, if that means anything to you) that I'm writing about.

As we're stood there I notice a middle-aged woman staring at us across the room. I'm trying to catch her gaze, but its kind of vacant. I guess she sees me looking and considers it to be an invitation. She floats over to us in this strange dazed way, and on the approach I realise she's staring at (through?) my Korean colleague / fresh meat. She's saying wow, wow, wow. She seems genuinely so delighted, so shocked, so elated.

My inability to confront the old racist failed actor is distracting me. I decide not to tell her about it.

amazing hopefully this was all legible and frankly i might be going very off board but you seemed interesting

The Hatton geezer (fuck off) reminds me of this old failed actor who I'd met at a party a few years ago, another man out of time and out of place. This actor had scored a minor role in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and never really let go of it, had gone on to build his whole identity around it. I can't really blame him.

so an active mazelike process

Mon, 01 Dec 2025 23:38:15

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

somewhere between instagram and chatgpt

Lift Analysis

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

yeah

or never left

But seriously, thank you, Jack, for telling me that I could submit this to a high-level literary magazine or creative nonfiction outlet with some minor tweaks. I don't think I will do that.

lol

He went in there with a camera to film it before he moved out of the building. He didn't think anyone would believe the story if he didn't have proof.

so at the end

After I get away from the old racist failed actor, I go to see my Korean colleague. He's just arrived in London and I want to see how he's handling the party. We'd been invited as fresh meat for some of the older, gayer attendees. We aren't aware of that.

Can I see

as in

i have read not even 1 book

its good

no i haven't really read anything