There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

Today I felt like starting

13, H, grate

no longer writing in the third person

all that is to say

ahnaf is it worth reading all those books

that looks like my instagram account

so the method has to be autonomous

i hadn't considered this pedagogically or as a kind of personal knowledge management system (puke) at all but i suppose it is both of those things

so an active mazelike process

propensity within someone

as in

so at the end

idk

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

magnetisation/form

much more tactility

1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

division of reality is straying away from it

Dreams like these are highly symbolic and emotionally intense. Here’s a breakdown of common interpretations:

We look out over the river to a block of luxury flats built on the site of some old docks. It would be nice to live right there. Yes.

Garden Post-Dusk, Birds Above, In Another Life