After thinking and forgetting and thinking and forgetting

you cannot feed someone truth

this is possible in mazelike research sprints on the internet

This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 22:11:24

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

Thank you for telling me that I'm failing to see how I'm reproducing the dynamics I'm trying to critique by only describing my Korean colleague / fresh meat and the black girl in relation to others and myself.

the textwall is as much for me as it is for you

as in

Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03

not their contents

We gather around the start of a causeway down to the Thames. It's a pretty cold night and there's a breeze coming off the river.

They're fucking around with the box. I ask her what people do with fireworks for so long before they're ready to light. She doesn't know.

that is unstable and lets me operate in that discovery mode that i can create within and also produce works from.

We look out over the river to a block of luxury flats built on the site of some old docks. It would be nice to live right there. Yes.

we can only engage in such a way

like people can read 100 books and still not have the fire within them

magnetisation/form

really i want the internet

Can I see

  1. Lift and confinement – The crowded, immovable lift represents feeling trapped or constrained in real life, either by social expectations, relationships, or internal emotions. The inability to speak in front of others suggests suppressed feelings or fear of judgment.
  2. Unexpected confession – The girl saying “I think I might love you” could symbolize longing for connection or recognition. It may reflect unacknowledged desires, vulnerability, or anxiety about intimacy.
  3. Forest and snow – The transition to a snowy forest signals escape into the subconscious, a place of solitude, reflection, and emotional processing. Snow often represents purity, stillness, or emotional coldness, while dusk points to transition or uncertainty.
  4. The fox – Foxes are traditionally symbols of cunning, intuition, and guidance, but here it’s more ethereal: its bites are gentle yet noticeable, suggesting a confrontation with subtle truths, small regrets, or lessons that must be acknowledged. The unspoken apology indicates things left unresolved or feelings that cannot be expressed.
  5. Death or dissolution – Dying in the dream often doesn’t mean literal death; it represents transformation, the end of a phase, or surrendering control. It can indicate letting go of fear, old habits, or emotional blockages.

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

so the method has to be autonomous

I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.