There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

sorry i am texting like a slav

autonomy of learning

so at the end

i was tempted to lie about my name

i hadn't considered this pedagogically or as a kind of personal knowledge management system (puke) at all but i suppose it is both of those things

magnetises a pin

The Hatton geezer (fuck off) is emptying his pockets, searching for the silver rizlas he apparently has. He refuses to take one of mine (also silver) because the tobacco I'm giving him is already too much to ask. He tells me about the guy who can do 50g of Golden Virginia for a good price, the guy who every other man over 50 knows. I'm not interested.

A roll of 50s is one of the items he dumps onto my table during the search. Of course it is. He asks if I'm a delivery boy or a setter or this or that diamond related job. I keep saying no, I'm enjoying hearing all of these new words. Eventually I tell him that I work in film, which is kind of true. He asks where I'm filming. I'm not filming. He tells me that I can't be that good at it then. He then tells me that he made a film once, in the 80s. It was called Pimlico Rats.


we want to live the knowledge too live the content

so the method has to be autonomous

abrar?

i want to do that too

Maybe, Jack, I'm doing this because I'm English?

plato

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

As I'm trying to tell my Korean colleague / fresh meat that this is abnormal, that most people in England aren't like this, the host of the party emerges from the bathroom to a roar of laughter and applause. He's a fat middle aged Frenchman and he's changed into traditional Indian dress and a turban. He looks fucking ridiculous. I try to back away, to avoid the inevitable photo of me in this moment that will one day appear to ruin my life, but everyone is crowding around, trapping me in the middle of it.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

And thank you for telling me that the manner in which the narrator consistently fails to act morally is really compelling. Fuck you.

much more tactility

Thank you for telling me that I'm failing to see how I'm reproducing the dynamics I'm trying to critique by only describing my Korean colleague / fresh meat and the black girl in relation to others and myself.

A procession forms behind the French Raj and his fireworks bearer as they head out the door. I've lost my Korean colleague / fresh meat in the chaos. I'm sure he'll be able to fend for himself. They have mandatory military service in Korea.

Thank you, Jack, for telling me I'm just as bad as the characters (actually they're people, if that means anything to you) that I'm writing about.

yeah people dont get it they assume its ahnaf

was it worth it

It Will Get Lighter

i dont understand magnetisation

But seriously, thank you, Jack, for telling me that I could submit this to a high-level literary magazine or creative nonfiction outlet with some minor tweaks. I don't think I will do that.

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

i haven't read 100 book s so i'm probably not getting the depth of all of what you're saying

i really havent

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

Wed, 11 Nov 2025 21:12:41