The old failed actor genuinely believed this girl was of a lesser race. He believed she shouldn't be talking with me, shouldn't be here at this party, shouldn't be here in this country. He wanted a white England. I didn't really challenge him on it. Sometimes I justify it with thoughts like I was drunk, or baffled, or it isn't an argument I'll win, or he can't hear me anyway, or whatever. I didn't argue with him. I just cut off his rant and left with a pathetic "In a bit."

it holds me to something (you, now). I love editing!


i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

i see a website though something that reconfigures or is mazelike

confused - is it the tide or its absense? I still like where I was going with it. anyway, real reader know this site is the note.

My inability to confront the old racist failed actor is distracting me. I decide not to tell her about it.

hello reader,

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

Overall meaning: The dream seems to explore vulnerability, unspoken emotion, and the tension between connection and isolation. It suggests you may be processing intense feelings of longing or missed opportunities, and your subconscious is guiding you to acknowledge, release, or transform them.

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

Thank you, Jack

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 11:31:03

The Hatton geezer (fuck off) is emptying his pockets, searching for the silver rizlas he apparently has. He refuses to take one of mine (also silver) because the tobacco I'm giving him is already too much to ask. He tells me about the guy who can do 50g of Golden Virginia for a good price, the guy who every other man over 50 knows. I'm not interested.

And thank you for telling me that the manner in which the narrator consistently fails to act morally is really compelling. Fuck you.

A procession forms behind the French Raj and his fireworks bearer as they head out the door. I've lost my Korean colleague / fresh meat in the chaos. I'm sure he'll be able to fend for himself. They have mandatory military service in Korea.

This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.

in a post. I want to be remembered