the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.
hiding from the rain
no longer writing in the third person
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 21:54:03
I know that if I try to make this entry any more than it is I will ruin it.
Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49
it is hopeful
Sun, 23 Nov 2025 10:37:17
"I'm only attracted to you", he replies. "Like, you only."
I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.
not their contents
all that is to say
Sun, 02 Nov 2025 22:11:24
i understand
She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.
no i haven't really read anything
with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.
god being the centre magnet
Tue, 02 Dec 2025 11:29:50
its performative
i see a website though something that reconfigures or is mazelike