She closes the window. I wasn't paying attention anyway, I'm getting cold, and the birds are nowhere to be seen. I go inside.

I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 23:18:46

Above and behind a window opens and a cigarette hangs out.

There is a pause. She ashes her cigarette. It falls on me. It seems like the birds have stopped too.

She says something that isn't really right but isn't really wrong. I'm not taking in their words any more, just their voices, trying to get a feel for whatever is going on between them. I'm imagining what it's like for them in this delicate situation, what I would say if it were me. She has that perfect upper-class accent, and she's using whatever upper-class tact that comes with it to navigate this. Style. They can't be together, but their voices are betraying them.

"No, it'll get cold!"
"Put a tut ahh put a-"

I'm in a crowded lift and a girl I've never met tells me she thinks she might love me.
The lift won't stop at any floor, and I can't talk in front of all these people.

there's probably something in that, but I don't feel like thinking about it too much yet.

Windrush Art Kid Oligarch

autonomy of learning

to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

you know who you are. no more time, not like

1

isaac newton

but it is in my head and am i compelled to realise it, so it is my silmarillion, my tempelos

mazelike/rhizomatic/immanent/emergent are not antithetical to a transcendent real but its very manifestation

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

its performative

it exists in my head in some way that i'm trying to get out i lied on my story a little bit because i'm mostly feeling it and thinking about it. feeling something deeply doesn't necessitate any kind of deep relevance or whatever but the thinking is useful

a version of this existed for a few months last year but it was static. it was HTML with writing and pictures and videos and sounds. i had this feeling that the code should be as important as the content, that structurally each piece in relation to each other piece shouldn't change, that the mazelike quality should emerge from me intricately arranging paths through it. like classic hypertext

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 08:38:49

so magnetisation means the divine spirit acting thru u endowing you with its qualities

i don't really want to be associated with that one for some reason

is this you as well

plato

what do you mean

we need to be deconstructing our identities

One of the birds shoots out of the tree.

propensity within someone

but really the thing should be autonomous