to work in time to get to the timeless, perfection thru chaos

the point of this was to try and avoid this narcissistic death spiral I'm in by acting anonymously and impulsively. how can that feeling that even Jack can't describe paralyse me if my name isn't next to any of this? the excitement of believing I just need a new process has overcome me and I have cummed out an empty webpage.

It Will Get Lighter

Picture

This is a website run by a narcissist who can't produce anything without the hope that it is seen and loved but can't act due to the fear of it being seen and hated. They immediately feel the need to ask Jack GPT to define whatever this feeling is in the hope that understanding it will mean control over it and control over it will mean that they can stop it.

hiding from the rain

with this post net clarity and the hours of nothing that followed I realise this is going to be awful.

Rain, starting

Hours staring at the ceiling, the wall, curling up into a ball. It seems annoyed with the light, it kind of recoils. It will get lighter. I wonder where it goes in the day.

think this is much more rhizomatic or immanent or mazelike than mainstream education now

i have read not even 1 book

I'm trying to picture the scene inside, like I was trying to picture the scene in the tree.

my watchlater reached its limit years ago and now i have to create a playlist for each new topic im interested in but it is incredibly hard to create the taxonomy of knowledge because everything seems to be everything else because at the end it is what you get from it that matters not what is given

send your tumblr

you cannot feed someone language, they have to speak

that looks like my instagram account


One of the birds shoots out of the tree.


I wonder if she knew I was down there listening? I wonder if she would've said something more true, more personal, more raw, more heartfelt, more harsh, more seductive, more freeing, more exposing, more risky, more romantic, more rude, more honest, more anything, if there hadn't been an audience.

okay im going very rogue and very inarticulate

amazing hopefully this was all legible and frankly i might be going very off board but you seemed interesting

so at the end

lol

The bird dives back into the tree. It shakes, some leaves fall.

no longer writing in the third person

as in

i know a little bit of lacan which probably influences me in a way i cant articulate

is everyoneback on tumblr now

1

there is a distinction between western-modern pedagogical systems that's like text-based as in a legal method but there is an idea of "pathshala" or "guru shissho"/ "porompora" i mean how masters relayed knowledge to the student by (oral) transmission often by memorising books. so what was taught was always interactive. knowledge was interactive, you spoke with people rather than read texts.

so an active mazelike process

i guess imagine a multimedia obsidian or notion that behaves according to some insane arcane rules that you can't ever really determine

December 2025

its performative

so the method has to be autonomous

I am below everything.